smile on view

smiles

Sexy lingerie for for the dead???

http://thestar.com.my/comics/kee/kee.asp?id=080402

telephone call joke .

**’Hello?’**

**’Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?’**

**’No, Daddy.**
**She’s upstairs in the bedroom with
Uncle Paul.’**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**
**’But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle
Paul.’**

**’Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in
the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.’**

Brief Pause.

**’Uh, okay then, this is what I want
you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run
upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and
shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy’s car just pulled into
the driveway.’**

**’Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’**

**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the
phone.**

**’I did it, Daddy.’**

**’And what happened, honey?’ **

‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped
out of bed with Read the rest of this entry »

Rape but no evidence? yes- BE CAREFUL GIRLS

GaLs, Read ThiS If Ur One GoeS To THE pub

 A woman at a bar on a Saturday
night was taken by 5 men, who,
according to hospital and police reports, gang raped her before dumping her. Unable to remember the events of the evening,tests later confirmed the repeat rapes Read the rest of this entry »

4 DON'TS when you are sleeping

1 DON’T SLEEP WITH WATCH

Watches can emit a certain level of
radioactivity.

Though small, but if you wear your
watch to bed

for a long time, it might have adverse
effects on your health.

< br>2 DON’T SLEEP WITH BRA

Scientist s in America have discovered
those that

wear bras for more than 12 hours have

a higher risk of getting breast
cancer.

So go to bed without it.

3 DON’T SLEEP WITH PHONE

Putting the phone beside your bed or
anywhere
near you is not encouraged.

T hough some of us will use phones as
alarm clocks,

but please put the phone as far as
possible.
< br>Scientists have proved that electrical
items including

mob ile phone and television sets emit
magnetic waves when used.

These waves can cause disruptions to
our nervous system.

There fore if you need to put your
mobile phone near you,

switch it off first.

4 DON’T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP

People who sleep with make up might
have

skin problems in the long run.

Sleeping with make up will cause the
skin to have

difficul ty in breathing and problem in
perspiring.

You will also need a much longer time
to go into deep sleep.

Top 10 Answering Machine Messages – Nice

10. My wife and I can’t come to the
phone right now, but if you’ll leave
your name and number, we’ll get back to
you as soon as we’re finished.

9 . Hello, you are talking to a
machine.
I am capable of receiving messages. My
owners do not need siding, windows or a
tub, and their carpets are clean. They
give to charity at the office and don’t
need their picture taken. If you’re
still with me, leave your name and home
phone number and they will get back to
you.

8 . This is not an answering machine –
this is a telepathic thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about
your
name, your number, and your reason for
calling…. and I’ll think about
returning your call.

7 . Hi! John’s answering machine is
broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please
speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your
message to myself with one of these
magnets.

6 . Hi. This is John: If you are the
phone company, I already sent the
money.
If you are my parents, please send
money. If you are my bank, you didn’t
lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of
money.

5 . A is for academics, B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we’re not
here. So, leave a message.

4 . Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll
call you soon. If you leave a”sexy”
message, I’ll call sooner.

3 . Hi. Now YOU say something.

2 . Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just
avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me
a message, and if I don’t call back,
it’s you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering
Machine Message Recorded and Verified
by
The World Famous International
Institute
of Answering Machine Messages.

1 . Hello, you’ve reached Jim and
Sonya.
We can’t pick up the phone right now,
because we’re doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
down,
and I like doing it left to right…
real slowly. So leave a message, and
when we’re done brushing our teeth,
we’ll call you back.

Bunuh Diri (jokes)

Seorang pesakit mental cuba membunuh dirinya dengan terjun ke dalam sebuah sungai tetapi berjaya diselamatkan oleh seorang pesakit mental yang lain pula. Tidak lama kemudian pesakit yang menyelamatkan temannya itu dipanggil oleh doktor yang merawat mereka.

Doktor:
Hari ini saya ada dua berita baik untuk awak. satu berita baik, dan 1 lagi berita buruk.

Pesakit mental:
Apa dia doktor?

Doktor:
Pertama sekali,tahniah kerana awak dah menunjukkan tanda-tanda hampir sembuh daripada penyakit awak kerana awak telah meyelamatkan seorang pesakit yang cuba membunuh diri semalam. Berita buruk pula, pesakit yang awak selamatkan itu didapati telah menggantung dirinya selepas awak selamatkan semalam. Malang sungguh.

Pesakit mental:
Oh! begitu rupanya. Sebenarnya saya yang menggantungnya supaya dia kering dengan cepat..hee..

Doktor: #@**_!!*&^_

Jokes – Part II = enjoy it.

Titanic was sinking.

An Englishman asked Santa, “How far is
land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards !

**********

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made
life miserable. Worst affected was
Delhi
Metro station where families of Santa &
Banta were struck for 48 hrs on
escalators.

**********

How did Santa tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and
dropped it from there to die.

*********

Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I
have lost it too.

*********

Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta,
who was just behind him in the line
said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****.
Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

*********

Santa falls in love with a nurse…
After much thinking, he finally writes
a
love letter to her: “I luv u sister .”

*********

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh
goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM
not AM.

*********

Teacher: What should be in a book to
make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover
on the girl .

*********

A lady calls Santa for repairing door
bell.

Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m
coming daily since 4 days, I press the
bell but no one comes out.

*********

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband
went
to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t
came back yet!

Santa: Why don’t u cook something
else? .

**********

An Englishman and Santa inside the
toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip
and
do!

***********

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not
even
one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second
floor..

***********

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your
last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and
didn’t tell me where.

************

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window,
are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says “Yes-No,
Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!”

************

Santa’s wife dies. He is calm, but his
wife’s lover is crying furiously…

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don’t
worry
buddy, I will marry again.

************

Why did Santa keep the door open while
bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone
might
watch him from the key hole.

************

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming
home . The steering, dash board, gears
of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am
coming , earlier I sat on the back
seat.

************

Jokes

Wife: Honey….. What are you looking
for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing…?? U’ve been reading
our marriage certificate 4 an
hour??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the
expiry date.
**********

Q – What is the Difference between
Mother & Wife?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world
crying… & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

**********
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

**********
Wife: You always carry my photo in
your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no
matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem
disappears.

Wife: You see how miraculous and
powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and
say to myself, “What other
problem Can there be greater than this
one?”

**********
Girl: When we get married, I want to
share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.

Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling,
but I don’t have any worries or
troubles.

Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t
married yet.

**********
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with
Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right
thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s
lap.

**********
A newly married man asked his
wife, “Would you have married me if my
father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied
sweetly, “I’d have married you NO
MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”

**********
Father to son after exam: “let me see
your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He
wants to scare his parents.”

**********
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do
you owe your success as a
millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe ev erything to my
wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some
woman. What were you before you
married her?”

Millionaire: “Billionaire”

**********
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and
I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning
**********
A wife asked her husband: “What do you
like most in me my pretty face
or my body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and
replied: “I like your sense of
humor.

KUTTAPPA'S ROBOT

KUTTAPPA’S ROBOT

One day Kuttappa’s dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could
detect a lie and would slap the
person who lied on the face.

Kuttappa returned late from school
that day and his dad asked him,
‘Son why are you late from school’?

Kuttappa answered, ‘Dad we had extra
classes today’.

Much to his astonishment the Robot
jumped up and slapped Kuttappa on his
face.

His dad told him son this robot is
special in that he can detect a lie
and will then slap the person who lied
now come on tell me the truth,

‘Why are you late?’

‘Dad I went for a movie’,

‘Which movie?’

‘The Ten Commandments’,

Splatt Kuttappa got a tight slap on
the face from the robot.

‘No dad honest I went for the movie
Sex Queen.’

Shame on you son when I was your age I
never used to do such shameful things.

‘Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on
the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Kuttappa’s mother
comes walking out of the kitchen
saying, ‘

‘After all he is your son’, to which
the robot steps up and gives a
resounding slap on Kuttappa¢s mothers
face

POTENTIALITY AND REALITY

How many of us understood the real
meaning of Potentiality & Reality?

Not sure? Read this moral story and
enjoy yourself.

Youngest Son: “Tell me Daddy, what is
the difference between
“Potentiality” and “reality”?”
Dad: “I will show you”

Dad turns to his wife and asks her:
“Would you sleep with Robert Redford
for 1 million dollars”?
Read the rest of this entry »