smile on view

smiles

Why? WHY? wHY?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept
like a baby’ when babies wake up every
two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court,
is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote
control when we know the batteries are
flat?

Why do banks charge a fee
on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know
there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you
say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for
death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with
his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the
word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking
spaces for ‘normal’ people at the
Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside
today and it’s going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it’s true that we are here to help
others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than
single ones or does it only seem
longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon
before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall
buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the
ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder……

Who was the first person to look at a
cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze

these pink dangly things here, and
drink whatever comes out?’

Who was the first person to say, ‘See
that chicken there… I’m gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it’s
bum.’

Why
do toasters always have a setting so
high that could burn the toast to
a horrible crisp, which no decent
human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and
not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist
when asking for the time, but don’t

point to their bum when they ask where
the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician,
Gynaecologist leave the room when you
get undressed if they are going to
look up there anyway ?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto
remains on all fours? They’re both
dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do
they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are
tests? (This one kills me!!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and
vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from ?

If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle,
Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Stop singing and read
on . . . . . . . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full
effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow
in a dog’s face, he gets mad at

you, but when you take him on a car
ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Does pushing the elevator button more
than once make it arrive faster?

DIFFICULT QUESTIONS AND INTELLIGENT ANSWERS

To:

Question and the Answer given by
Candidates, oh sorry they are IAS
(Indian Administrative Services – THE
most difficult examination in
India. Candidates are graduate
Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a
concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are Read the rest of this entry »

Sartaji Jokes – Funny!

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having
dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you
divine”.
Sardar thinks “how poetic”
Sardar says, “pass the custard you
bastard”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says “Johny Walker
single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch
single”
Sardar says – “Baljith Singh Married”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss : I am giving u job as a driver.
STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting
salary is o.k…….but? ? Read the rest of this entry »

iiMaGiiNe yOu aRe iiN tiiZ siiTuAtiiON – Jokes

You
have been tied hanging on a tree with
a rope anchored on the ground,a
candle is slowly burning the rope,

and the lion is waiting for you to
drop and be his lunch.Your
survival hinges on the rope staying
intact, there is no one

around to help you.

The
only possible way is to somehow
convince the

lion to BLOW the candle out.
How
do you do that?

Scroll down
for answer.. (click more)

*
*
*
* Read the rest of this entry »

Heart Attack – Jokes

“Heart attackna enna theriyuma? Oru azhagana ponnu unna parththa-un blood heat aagum. Aval Sirithal- un bp increace aagum. Aval un pakathula vanthal-un heart beat raise aagum, face verkum, naakku ularnthu pogum. Aval thannoda azhagana lip sa open panni…… “Anna, Batu caves entha busla poganumnu kekum bothu un heartla “Dum” nu oru satham kekkum paar, Athukku per thaan heart attack.

Jokes – for laugh

01 . Wife: Yenga ippadiye naan samachi potta enakku enna kidaikkum?
Husband: Ennoda LIC panam Seekkaram kidaikkum.

02 . One day sardarji buy a “kaadhal” flim vcd and he kept in fridge you know why?
Because sardar wants to see “jillunu oru kadhal” film .

03 . Two Wheeler Thought
‘Hero honda’la hero pogalam
But
‘Yamaha’la yaman poga mudiuma?

04 . Man: How many idlies can you eat in empty stomach?
Sardar: I can eat 6 idlies.
Man: You Can eat only 1 idly in empty stomach.
When you eat second that’s not empty stomach.
Sardar: ha ha ha super joke, I,m going to ask my friend.
Sardar: How many idlies can you eat in empty stomach?
Friend: i can eat 10.
Sardar: poda.
6nu sonna oru super joke soli irupen.

05 . Naragathil yeman and man.
MAN: nan en wifeuku oru call pannikuren how much paise?
YEMAN:naragam to naragam FREE

06 . Love Marriage ikkum, Arrange marriage ikkum enna difference?? naamala kenuthula viluntha athu love marriage… 10 per thalli vitta athu arranged marriage..

07 . “Heart attackna enna theriyuma? Oru azhagana ponnu unna parththa-un blood heat aagum. Aval Sirithal- un bp increace aagum. Aval un pakathula vanthal-un heart beat raise aagum, face verkum, naakku ularnthu pogum. Aval thannoda azhagana lip sa open panni…… “Anna, Batu caves entha busla poganumnu kekum bothu un heartla “Dum” nu oru satham kekkum paar, Athukku per thaan heart attack.

08 . Man 1: Oru nimishathula 130 name solla mudiyuma? Man 2: Mudiyadhu, niye sollu… Man 1: 100mohmed, 9thara, 6mugam, 7malai, 5ali, and 3sha. kooti PARU KANAKU SARIA VARUM

09 . TEA STRONG AA IRUKA YENA PANANUM? ORU SPOON “CEMENT” PODANUM.

10 . 1000, 2000 selavu panni OOTY, KODAIKANAL suthana TOUR NU solranga.
10p selavu illama OORA suthana THANDASORU nu solranga
Enna ulagamba

11 . Police: Eppadiya accident nadanthathu?

Driver: Athaan sir enakkum theriyala appo naan thoongittu irundhaen.

12 . Varum Sanikalame Eravu Elu muppathukku Ungal SUN T.Vyil Hollywood Thirai padam: “CHILANTHI ANNACHI”(SPIDER MAN) appuram Sunday Hollywood Thirai padam: Ammachi thirumba vanthach(Mummy returns)

13 . Super Punch:
Athigama “Makeup” podura ponnum..
Romba nala tea kadaila thongra
“BANNUM” nalla irundhatha
sarithirame illay.

14 . In a forest 10 people were walking….! (including me) Suddenly a TIGER came and killed 9 people….. but didnt TOUCH me…… WHY? Because

Nangadhan singamla……….

jokes – new businessman

A young businessman had just started
his
ow n business. He’d rented a beautiful
office and had it brilliantly
decorated.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into
the outer office.

Wishing to appear busy, the young
businessman picked up the phone and
started to pretend he was working a big
deal. He was shouting huge figures and
made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the
visitor, “Can I help you?” The man
said,
“Sure. I’m here to install the phone!”

WhaT is a positive ATTITUDE ???

Father : “I want you to marry a girl
of my choice”

Son : “I will choose my own bride!”

Father : “But the girl is Bill Gates’s
daughter.”

Son : “Well, in that case…ok”

Next – Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father : “I have a husband for your
daughter.”

Bill Gates : “But my daughter is too
young to marry!”

Father : “But this young man is a vice-
president of the World Bank.”

Bill Gates : “Ah, in that case…ok”

Finally Father goes to see the
president of the World Bank.

Father : “I have a young man to be
recommended as a vice-president.”

President : “But I already have more
vice- presidents than I need!”

Father : “But this young man is Bill
Gates’s son-in-law.”

President : “Ah, in that case…ok”

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing,You
can get Anything. But your ATTITUDE
should be positive.

NiCe JoKe…

One day, siew pau and maggi mee had a
big fight.
Maggi mee beat siew pau up
until it had bruises on its pau body.
Siew Pau lost the fight and went
back to tell
all the paus family
kaya pau, tau SA pau, curry pau, and
etc.
So together?.. all paus went to find
maggi mee
for revenge.
On the way… they met Spaghetti?…
so all pau
ran to Spaghetti and BEAT
the hell up on Spaghetti that
Spaghetti can’t say a
word,Spaghetti then
scream…
“WHAT DID I DO? I don’t even know you
all”???.
Then the siew pau say??..
“HEH! MAGGI MEE! Don’t think I can’t
recognize
you after you do
REBONDING!”

McDonald's LOVE story

A little old couple walked slowly into
a McDonald’s one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the
young families and young couples
eating there that night.

Some of the customers looked
admiringly at them. You could tell
what the admirers were thinking:
“Look, there is a couple who has been
through a lot together, probably for
60 years or more!”

The little old man walked up to the
cash register, placed his order with
no hesitation and then paid for their
meal.

The couple took a table near the back
wall and started taking food off of
the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of
french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain
hamburger and carefully cut it in
half.
He placed one half in front of his
wife.

Then he carefully counted out the
french fries, divided them in two
piles and neatly placed one pile in
front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then
his wife took a sip as the man began
to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people
around the old couple were saying. –
“They were used to sharing
everything.”

Then the crowd noticed that the little
old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing.

She just sat there watching her
husband eat and occasionally sipped
some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them
to let him buy them another meal.

The lady explained that no, they were
used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating
and was wiping his face neatly with a
napkin, the young man could stand it
no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he
finally asked the little old lady,

“Ma’am, why aren’t you eating. You
said that you share everything. What
is it that you are waiting for?”

She answered,
.
.
.
.

“THE TEETH”

Computer WoMeN

INTERNET woman:
Woman of difficult access.

SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.

WINDOWS woman:
Everyone knows that she can’t do a
thing right, but no one can live
without her.

EXCEL woman:
They say she can do a lot of things
but you mostly use her for your four
basic needs.

SCREENSAVER woman:
She is not worth for anything, but at
least she is fun!

RAM woman:
She forgets everything you say when
you disconnect her.

HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

MULTIMEDIA woman:
She makes horrible things look
beautiful.

USER woman:
She messes up everything she does and
she asks always more than she needs.

CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are
nonsense.

VIRUS woman:
Also known as “wife”; when you are not
expecting her, she comes, installs
herself and uses all your resources.
If you try to uninstall her you will
lose something, if you don’t try to
uninstall her you will lose everything.

*Written for fun.

Not to hurt anyone

Who is Sardarji? Jokes

A Sardarji…..
# puts lipstick on the forehead
because he wants to makeup his mind.
# gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
# sends a fax with a postage stamp on
it.
# tries to drown a fish in waters.
# thinks socialism means partying.
# trips over a cordless phone.
# takes a ruler to bed to see how long
he slept.
# At the bottom of the application
where it says, “Sign here” he puts
Sagittarius.”
# studies for a blood test and fails.
# sells the car for gas money.
# misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22
twice instead.
# drives to the airport and sees a
sign that said, “Airport left”, he
turns around and goes home.
# gets locked in Furniture Shop and
sleeps on the floor…

Jokes

Patient: Doctor, how can you say so
firmly, without checking,that I need
glasses?

Doctor: Because, in spite of the door
being open, you came in through the
window…
…………………………………

A guy is walking past a high, solid
wooden fence at the insane asylum and
he hears all the residents inside
chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen!
Thirteen!”

He continues walking along the long
fence, but, being a curious person, he
can’t help but wonder why they are
chanting “Thirteen!” over and over.
Could it be that they are chugging
beer? Are they perhaps taking turns
beating one of the inmates? Maybe they
are counting the number of patients
that have leapt off of the roof thus
far.

His curiosity peaks and he frantically
searches for a hole in the fence so
that he may see what is going on.
Finally, he spots one a few feet
ahead. The hole is low in the fence
and he has to kneel down to peer
inside.

He moves into position and peeks into
the hole. As he looks in, someone
inside pokes him in the eye! Then
everyone inside the asylum starts
chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen!
Fourteen!”
…………………………………

A lion woke up one morning feeling
really rowdy and mean. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and roared,
“Who is mightiest of all jungle
animals?”

The trembling monkey says, “You are,
mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts a ox and
fiercely bellows,
“Who is the mightiest of all jungle
animals?”

The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great
lion, you are the mightiest animal in
the jungle!”

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to
an elephant and roars,
“Who is mightiest of all jungle
animals?”

Fast as lightning, the elephant
snatches up the lion with his trunk,
slams him against a tree half a dozen
times leaving the lion feeling like
it’d been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion
till it looks like a corn tortilla and
ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain,
lifts his head weakly and hollers
after the elephant –
“Just because you don’t know the
answer, you don’t have to get so upset
about it!”
…………………………………

Sardarji is buying a TV.
“Do you have color TVs?”
“Sure.”
“Give me a green one, please.”
…………………………………

Sardarji Jokes : funny

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having
dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you
divine”.
Sardar thinks “how poetic”
Sardar says, “pass the custard you
bastard”.
***************************************
********

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says “Johny Walker
single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch
single”
Sardar says – “Baljith Singh Married”
***************************************
********

Boss : am giving u job as a driver.
STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary
is o.k…….but??
how much is DRIVING salary…?
***************************************
********

Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt
than
Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives
light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
***************************************
********

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts
on
the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he
puts his head out and says
YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…
***************************************
********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ” u
said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u
yesterday whole day in the post
office….
***************************************
********

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ”
tamil therima??”
Sardar got mad, angrily replied….
“Hindi tera baap!!!”
***************************************
********

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka
lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also
written…BC 1760!!!….
***************************************
********

A sardar on an interview 4 da post
detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job,
I will start investigating…….
***************************************
********

A sardar for an exam had studied only
one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the
exam the essay which came
was ‘FATHER’ .
he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY
FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF
FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME
ARE
FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***************************************
********

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL
with DIFFICULTY….
***************************************
********

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state…..
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned,
looks
behind, ALL WERE SARDARS……

Annie Wan call to Sam Wan – Jokes

Caller : Hello, can I speak to
Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to
me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to
Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to
someone! Who is this?

Caller : I’m Sam Wan (Someone).
And I need to talk to Annie Wan
(anyone)! It’s urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone
and you want to talk to anyone! But
what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well… just tell my
sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our
brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved
in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got
injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is
being sent to the hospital. Right now,
Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to
the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was
injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn’t an
urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don’t have time for
this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are
you?

Operator : I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be
sorry. Now give me your name!!

brand-new Porsche = $15 – jokes

A 16-year-old boy comes home with a
brand-new Porsche one day. As you might
expect, his parents freak out a little
bit.

“Where on Earth did you get that car?”
demands his mother.

“I bought it today,” the boy calmly
replies

“With what money?” his parents exclaim.

“We know what a Porsche costs.”

“With my allowance money,” answers the
boy.

“It was just 15 bucks. And look, here’s
the title to it!”

This gets the parents even more worked
up.

“Fifteen bucks??? Who the heck sells a
brand-new Porsche for fifteen bucks?”
they ask.

“It was the lady that just moved in up
the street,” says the boy.

“I don’t know her name. She saw me ride
past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted
to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Well, there must have been some kind
of
mistake,” says the mother.

Turning to her husband, she
says, “John,
you go right up there and see what’s
going on.”

So the boy’s father walks up the
street,
where he finds an attractive middle-
aged
woman in the front yard planting
petunias. He introduces himself and
says
he’s looking for a woman who just sold
a
Porsche to his son.

“Oh, yes,” she responds.

“That was me. I hope he’s enjoying it!”

“Er… yes, very much,” replies the
father.

“But to tell you the truth, we can’t
understand what just happened. Why in
the world did you sell it for such a
low
price?”

“Well,” she says, “this morning I got a
phone call from my husband. I thought
he
was on a business trip, but I learned
from a friend that he ran off to Hawaii
with his secretary and really doesn’t
plan to come back. He said he was
stranded and asked me to sell his new
Porsche and send him the money. So I
did.”

Top 10 Answering Machine Messages – Nice

10. My wife and I can’t come to the
phone right now, but if you’ll leave
your name and number, we’ll get back to
you as soon as we’re finished.

9 . Hello, you are talking to a
machine.
I am capable of receiving messages. My
owners do not need siding, windows or a
tub, and their carpets are clean. They
give to charity at the office and don’t
need their picture taken. If you’re
still with me, leave your name and home
phone number and they will get back to
you.

8 . This is not an answering machine –
this is a telepathic thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about
your
name, your number, and your reason for
calling…. and I’ll think about
returning your call.

7 . Hi! John’s answering machine is
broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please
speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your
message to myself with one of these
magnets.

6 . Hi. This is John: If you are the
phone company, I already sent the
money.
If you are my parents, please send
money. If you are my bank, you didn’t
lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of
money.

5 . A is for academics, B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we’re not
here. So, leave a message.

4 . Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll
call you soon. If you leave a”sexy”
message, I’ll call sooner.

3 . Hi. Now YOU say something.

2 . Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just
avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me
a message, and if I don’t call back,
it’s you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering
Machine Message Recorded and Verified
by
The World Famous International
Institute
of Answering Machine Messages.

1 . Hello, you’ve reached Jim and
Sonya.
We can’t pick up the phone right now,
because we’re doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
down,
and I like doing it left to right…
real slowly. So leave a message, and
when we’re done brushing our teeth,
we’ll call you back.

Bunuh Diri (jokes)

Seorang pesakit mental cuba membunuh dirinya dengan terjun ke dalam sebuah sungai tetapi berjaya diselamatkan oleh seorang pesakit mental yang lain pula. Tidak lama kemudian pesakit yang menyelamatkan temannya itu dipanggil oleh doktor yang merawat mereka.

Doktor:
Hari ini saya ada dua berita baik untuk awak. satu berita baik, dan 1 lagi berita buruk.

Pesakit mental:
Apa dia doktor?

Doktor:
Pertama sekali,tahniah kerana awak dah menunjukkan tanda-tanda hampir sembuh daripada penyakit awak kerana awak telah meyelamatkan seorang pesakit yang cuba membunuh diri semalam. Berita buruk pula, pesakit yang awak selamatkan itu didapati telah menggantung dirinya selepas awak selamatkan semalam. Malang sungguh.

Pesakit mental:
Oh! begitu rupanya. Sebenarnya saya yang menggantungnya supaya dia kering dengan cepat..hee..

Doktor: #@**_!!*&^_

Jokes – Part II = enjoy it.

Titanic was sinking.

An Englishman asked Santa, “How far is
land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards !

**********

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made
life miserable. Worst affected was
Delhi
Metro station where families of Santa &
Banta were struck for 48 hrs on
escalators.

**********

How did Santa tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and
dropped it from there to die.

*********

Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I
have lost it too.

*********

Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta,
who was just behind him in the line
said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****.
Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

*********

Santa falls in love with a nurse…
After much thinking, he finally writes
a
love letter to her: “I luv u sister .”

*********

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh
goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM
not AM.

*********

Teacher: What should be in a book to
make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover
on the girl .

*********

A lady calls Santa for repairing door
bell.

Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m
coming daily since 4 days, I press the
bell but no one comes out.

*********

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband
went
to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t
came back yet!

Santa: Why don’t u cook something
else? .

**********

An Englishman and Santa inside the
toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip
and
do!

***********

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not
even
one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second
floor..

***********

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your
last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and
didn’t tell me where.

************

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window,
are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says “Yes-No,
Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!”

************

Santa’s wife dies. He is calm, but his
wife’s lover is crying furiously…

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don’t
worry
buddy, I will marry again.

************

Why did Santa keep the door open while
bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone
might
watch him from the key hole.

************

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming
home . The steering, dash board, gears
of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am
coming , earlier I sat on the back
seat.

************

Jokes

Wife: Honey….. What are you looking
for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing…?? U’ve been reading
our marriage certificate 4 an
hour??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the
expiry date.
**********

Q – What is the Difference between
Mother & Wife?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world
crying… & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

**********
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

**********
Wife: You always carry my photo in
your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no
matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem
disappears.

Wife: You see how miraculous and
powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and
say to myself, “What other
problem Can there be greater than this
one?”

**********
Girl: When we get married, I want to
share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.

Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling,
but I don’t have any worries or
troubles.

Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t
married yet.

**********
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with
Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right
thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s
lap.

**********
A newly married man asked his
wife, “Would you have married me if my
father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied
sweetly, “I’d have married you NO
MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”

**********
Father to son after exam: “let me see
your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He
wants to scare his parents.”

**********
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do
you owe your success as a
millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe ev erything to my
wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some
woman. What were you before you
married her?”

Millionaire: “Billionaire”

**********
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and
I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning
**********
A wife asked her husband: “What do you
like most in me my pretty face
or my body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and
replied: “I like your sense of
humor.